Shattered Silence

Shattered Silence

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Thy Faith Hath Made Thee Whole

I love taking time to reread things that I 
wrote in the past to see how I've changed.
I love reading my own written works. Periodically reviewing things that I’ve written in the past, even old assignments and papers I’ve written for previous college courses brings me great joy when I comb them over after not having laid eyes upon them for a while. I also love to pick out mistakes and make small changes now and again, this stemming from my perfectionist nature. But from this I learn a lot, and I feel that I grow so much from reading my former works, for they are reflections of my past—literary photographs, if you will, of experiences, feelings, emotions, and times past.

Recently I was reading this, my humble two-post blog, and thinking about many things. I admired my God-given talent of being so expressive with language, and I thanked my Heavenly Father within my heart for that particular blessing. I remembered my life as it was years ago as I retold stories from those times in my first post. I found and corrected a typo or two. But something struck me as I read. I wondered, if there were people out there reading my blog anonymously, or if they were to ever do so, would they properly understand my situation as a semi-open gay Latter-day Saint (Mormon)? 

“They presented unto him gifts; gold, and 
frankincense, and myrrh” (Matthew 2:11).

I realized that most of the people who read my blog are close friends and family who are already “in the know” concerning my plight with same-gender attraction. But if I were to reach the comfort level where I thought that I could share my roller coaster of experiences with acquaintances or strangers, would they get the wrong idea? Was I tarnishing good name and image of my Church? Or, more disconcerting—was I blemishing the image of my Savior, Jesus Christ, whose name I have taken upon myself? 

Then, the realization came that I must be certain to post something through which I could convince all of my readers that my true colors were not those of a rainbow (pun intended), and that in fact my identity as a same-gender attracted Latter-day Saint was only one key on the piano that makes up all of my many unique facets and traits. I wasn’t sure at first how I would do it. But then I wasn’t surprised that soon the idea came to use a poem; after all, as I have previously stated, poetry has long been the mode through which I best express the inner workings of my soul and mind.

"This is my beloved Son, in whom I am
well pleased"
(Matthew 3:3-17).
The poem that I chose, “The Sinner’s Psalm,” was written in two parts, two verses at a time. I actually wrote the last two verses first, and the first two came much later. I commenced the first attempt out of a desire to accomplish two things that I’ve always wanted to do: Write a hymn text to one of my favorite tunes (a popular early-American tune known as “Nettleton”), and to put my testimony into poetic form. I eventually succeeded with both of these goals, and that work is what I share at the end of this post. 

The last two verses came to me in a moment of intense inspiration—the source, again, being the Holy Ghost (as aforementioned in a previous post). I was on my college campus one day at the LDS Institute of Religion, a building separate from my University which is used for religious course study by members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I was relaxing in a soft chair, waiting for one of my religion courses to begin. Suddenly I noticed that there was a song playing over the Institute’s building-wide audio system. It was a beautiful rendition of "Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing," an early-American hymn written to the tune, “Nettleton.”

“Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, 
and ordained you” (John 15:16).
I began humming along to the tune, and I thought of the unfinished poem that I had begun months earlier. Then, like the rushing of great waters, the enlightenment came. I began to play around with words and phrases in my head. Interestingly enough, the analogy for water that I use here to describe the inspiration is quite accurate, because one of the first lines that came to me was about a symbolic ocean. I took a notebook and pencil out of my backpack, and began jotting down the lines and phrases that were coming to me. I arranged and rearranged words. I erased and rewrote. By the time my class had started, I had penned two new verses that meshed perfectly with the two I had written previously. I was stunned by the experience. It literally left me in awe of the blessings of God and how His Holy Spirit can influence His children in such miraculous ways.

I hope that this poem adequately expresses my feelings for my Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ in no uncertain terms. But just in case, for you, it doesn’t, I share my simple testimony here.

“Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they 
know not what they do” (Luke 23:24).
I know, of myself, and separate from any other person, that the God of the Bible—the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob—is our Eternal Father. He is the Supreme Ruler of the heavens and the Earth, and we are literally His spirit children, the offspring of a divine Being. I know that Jesus Christ is Heavenly Father’s Only Begotten Son. He was foreordained before the foundations of the earth to fulfill God’s great Plan of Happiness by being sent to planet Earth as a half-mortal, half-immortal man to establish His Church, the Church of Jesus Christ, and to suffer and die for the sins of the entire world and all of its inhabitants—past, present, and future. 

I testify that Jesus Christ was and is our perfect example before the Father, and that He completed His mortal mission by performing the great and infinite atonement within the garden of Gethsemane in the land of Jerusalem, and then by being hung upon a cross on a hill at Golgotha where He died to fulfill all righteousness. I testify that after He was buried in the garden tomb, He arose from the dead three days later as a resurrected and glorified Being—forever breaking the bonds of death, and securing eventual resurrection and immortality for all of mankind. This is Jesus of Nazareth—the tiny babe born to Mary in a stable in the ancient city of Bethlehem, as told in the Holy Bible. He is the Savior of all mankind, both Alpha and Omega, from everlasting to everlasting.

“Why seek ye the living among the dead? … 
He is not here, but is risen” (Luke 24:1-7).
I bear my witness to all who may read my words, that because the sins of humanity were heaped upon the shoulders of Jesus Christ, and because He willfully bore them, later giving His life as a martyr to His Father’s will, that we have the opportunity to use His atonement to rid ourselves of sin and transgression. Every shortcoming, fault, mistake, pain, sorrow, and sadness that we may ever experience in mortality can be swept away by the river of sacred blood, shed by the Master, with His infinite atonement.

Without this miraculous power within my grasp, I would no doubt be a lost and fallen man. I would still be wandering aimlessly in a gulf of turmoil and misery searching for happiness and purpose. If I had not come unto Christ—and through Him to the Father—to humble myself before Them, sincerely ask for forgiveness, truly repent, and have my garments washed clean in the blood of the Lamb, I would have remained in sin forever and perished as a damned soul.

 “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy 
laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).
I am forever grateful to my Heavenly Father for sending His Son to bleed and die for me. I am grateful to the Lord Jesus Christ because He did not shrink from the bitter cup of the atonement, but He drank the dregs of that cup, even entirely, and by so doing secured my salvation. I know, and can testify of the miraculous healing power of the atonement of Jesus Christ, and of the happiness that I experience every day that I am alive in Him by striving to be more like Him in my thoughts, deeds, words, and actions.

I hope and pray that more than just my eyes can read these words, and feel as I feel now of their truthfulness. I love my Heavenly Father, and I love my Savior. I am grateful for the Spirit of God, even the Holy Ghost, for being my connection to the Father and for blessing me to know the truthfulness of these words and inspiring me to share them. May you come to know these truths also, is my prayer in the name of the Lord, Jesus Christ, amen.

The Sinner’s Psalm

Sung to the tune of
“Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing”


Lord, my strength is growing thinner,
As I rock upon this sea.
‘Mid the tumult, as a sinner,
And the waves engulfing me,
Comes a light unto my weak eyes,
Piercing through the dark of night;
Through the Savior there is sunrise—
Sweet forgiveness is in sight!

Holy Father, I beseech Thee,
Tune Thine ear to hear my prayer;
Set Thine angels roundabout me,
Loose my feet from Satan’s snare.
Bear me up, if Lord, I stumble;
Dry my tears if still I weep;
If my heart is meek and humble,
Seek me, Lord, Thy wand’ring sheep.

Unto Jesus, Lord and Savior,
I do give my willing soul;
By His grace and loving favor,
Is my broken heart made whole.
After sin oft times I've lusted,
By my pride been led astray;
But when Jesus I have trusted,
I have found the better way.

Though sore trials be thrust upon me,
Bitter cups I may partake,
I will drink them up entirely—
Not my God will I forsake!
Lord, how joyous is Thy mercy!
O, how perfect is Thy plan!
Let my heart reflect Thy glory,
May I live with Thee again!


- Wade A. Walker -
March 30, 2011

“Against the Wind” by Liz Lemon Swindle
Copyright © Liz Lemon Swindle

** NOTE:  I share my writing on this site trusting that visitors are scrupulous enough not to plagiarize.  If you'd like to share this poem or other content with others, please share the URL to the entire blog post.  Please DO NOT copy and paste any text for personal use without written permission.  As the original writer of the content herein, I’d like the credit for these pieces to remain mine. **


  1. So good! Thanks for sharing your testimony with us :)

  2. Beautiful, crying again. You do it to me everytime Wade. I was just playing that hymn on my piano before I read your post, I love that song and your words that go with it are beautiful. Thanks for being a strong example and force for good in this world. I'm proud to call you family.