* * * * *
– Second Hand Heart –
Performed by Ben Haenow
(Featuring Kelly Clarkson)
The light of the morning finds you sleeping in my bed
And it’s not like the stories; it’s never like what they said
I know who you want me to be but I’m just not there yet
Yeah, the broken road’s always been home and it’s so hard to forget
Wait for me now
Will you wait for me now?
I might think too much, drink too much, stay out too late
I know I’m just a fool, but I swear I can change
I can’t steal you the stars, but I can give you this secondhand heart
All your friends think I’m hopeless, they don’t understand
That this imperfect love can start over again
It’s been broken apart, but will you still take my secondhand heart?
(FIRST STANZA REPEATS)
If you let me show you, I could love you the same
And I can’t steal you the stars but I can try every day
Oh, you know they’ll never tear us apart
And I’m just a fool, but I swear I can change
And I can’t steal you the stars, but I can try every day
Oh, you know you got my secondhand heart
(SECOND BRIDGE REPEATS)
* * * * *
“I know I’m just a fool, but I swear I can change.”
In the infamous first chapter of Romans, Paul seems to condemn homosexual and lesbian behavior, while also reminding the Roman saints of the age-old sin of idolatry. For many gay Christians like me, this chapter has been personally read many times in hopes of finding clarity and understanding. However, I will not be arguing that subject today. What I like most about this chapter of Paul’s epistle comes before the heavy subjects, when the apostle is speaking of those who have experienced the glory of God, but have not acknowledged His divinity; they do not thank God for His goodness toward them, but instead become “vain in their imaginations,” then, “professing themselves to be wise, they become fools” (Romans 1:21-22).
This reminds me of the words of the ancient American prophet Jacob, who said:
“O that cunning plan of the evil one! O the vainness, and the frailties, and the foolishness of men! When they are learned they think they are wise, and they hearken not unto the counsel of God, for they set it aside, supposing they know of themselves, wherefore, their wisdom is foolishness and it profiteth them not. ...
“But to be learned is good if they hearken unto the counsels of God” (2 Nephi 9:28-29).
|Lessons are often learned from|
the times when we play the fool.
I have been alive for almost 32 years, and I can look back on my life experiences and see many times when I thought I was wise, but it’s clear to me now that I was really a fool. I can see now what my parents and leaders must’ve meant when they said to me then, “You’ll understand when you’re older.” In past blog posts I have discussed my reasons for setting my faith and religion aside while I pursued paths that I was certain were better for me (see “The Greener Side”—August 2013 and “The Best and Worst of Times”—June 2014). In the short run, those paths were traversed far too quickly for me to really gain anything meaningful from them then; but in the long run, those paths set the mark for my journey through adulthood as a disciple of Christ.
I have learned that when I act foolishly, God does not ask me to mope back to the beginning and start over, just to end up hitting all the same potholes that got the better of me the first time through. He simply asks me to find a different path that still leads to Him, and pursue it, letting Christ cover up my footprints on the crooked path behind me. That’s what I think of when I go to my Heavenly Father in prayer and acknowledge my transgression or sin—I admit that I have been a fool, that I have been prideful, trusting in my own limited knowledge instead of in His infinite wisdom. I ask Him for forgiveness, and promise Him that I can change—not a vain declaration that I will show Him what I can do of my own strength—but a testimony that “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13).